Making Up My Mind

Yo! It’s 2019. I am bad at regularly updating this blog.

From my last post, it’s easy to deduce that 2018 was a difficult year. As a good friend of mine reminded me recently: There are years that ask questions and there are years that offer answers. Whew, chile, did I have to confront all the messy, confounding questions in 2018. There were so many. So many. And for most of year, I couldn’t answer them for myself.

It was hard to give answers because I didn’t know what I wanted. It was hard to make decisions because I didn’t have the energy, time, or resources to do it very often. I spent much of last year working, but not knowing what I was working toward. And on a deeper level, I was often working against my own well-being, healing, and best interests. It was just plain hard.

But now that I’m on the other side. I have decided to provide my own answers. I am making up my mind about the things I desire, the things I’m willing to work for, the visions I want to bring to fruition this year.

I am writing. I forgot the magic and the meditation that is writing. I am taking risks. I am trying to be more positive. And when I can’t be positive, I’m at least trying to mind my business and stay in my lane. I’m being kind to myself. And I’m doing the inconvenient yet necessary work of learning how to care for myself, prioritizing my needs, and setting up boundaries.

I am committing to my dreams and my goals.

And you know what the gift has been? I have known peace this year. Tangible, golden, beautiful peace. It never stays for long. But it comes, which I don’t think I could say at all about last year.

I hope 2019 also brings you the peace and the joy and the wild dreaming it has brought me so far.

Let’s build, tribe.